Carmel’s sun, moon, ascendant are all in Leo so if you see them around, spoil them with treats and compliments. They would like you to notice their perfect eyebrows and cutting wit. They are not (quite) a real astrologer but they want you to keep your rude comments to yourself please. Also, you probably have a crush on them & you should absolutely let them know.
A favourite fringe tradition!
Dear Aries, purveyor of all things excellent and reckless — you have done it again and fallen quickly and passionately into love. Congratulations. This summer you have also burned exactly 1.5 bridges, yelled cuss words out of the driver’s seat of your car at least 6 times, have been named employee of the month 4 months running, worn immaculate outfits to all your Zoom calls, and somehow are still chatting hunks up on tinder. You know a lot, a lot a lot, except what you really don’t. Things you don’t know much about: losing gracefully, having a filter, writing a positive yelp review. This week, practice being still for at least 3 hours, make your exes t-shirt into a crop top and wear it grocery shopping, grill peaches, call your mom back.
Affectionate and indignant Taurus, everyone has noticed your delicious and perfect round bottom featuring your denim cutoffs as you nap at The Commons. You have been posting about your perfected eggs benny on instagram and received a lot of positive feedback (truly critical to your work). Ps. Everyone knows that you have the best sourdough starter in town. A few thoughts: constructive feedback is not always an attack on your personhood, and your identity does not have to be centered around your relationship status. Just because you are an above-average kisser and know what everyone’s favourite craft beer is, does not mean that you can excuse your stubborn ass. This week, practice apologizing (in the mirror first), invest in that down comforter you’ve been eyeing, go dancing at Club Quarantine, slide into someones DM’s.
Charismatic, forgetful Gemini — don’t deny it, you are currently covered head to toe in glitter from your latest unfinished crafting activity. You are adored for knowing something about almost everything, you are truly the friend we need on our trivia team, and everyone is consistently amazed by your karaoke ability…darling, you are a true triple threat. Some uninvited feedback: Have you heard of an agenda? This is a fool-proof way to make sure that you don’t forever double book yourself — unless you lose it in your craft room. Babe, TEXT YOUR CRUSH BACK, if you forget because you are in the middle of trying to learn French for the 3rd time, set a reminder in your phone. This week, finish embroidering your denim jacket, wash your dishes, kiss the friends in your bubble, and yes, that red jumpsuit looks fabulous on you – wear it often.
Beloved, sweet, whiny Cancer, we get it, you’re having feelings (and we adore that about you), but this time, try to communicate them without passive aggression or crypticness…don’t worry, nobody is mad at you, and your crush is truly enamoured with you, in fact, usually you’re quite charming — scouts honour. Your perfect, reliable, caring Big Mom/ Dad/ Parental Energy means that everyone has told you their relationship woes, you are always equipped with backpack snacks and sunscreen, and you are the best hugger around. Your thoughtfulness, empathy, perfect pouty mouth, wildly soft t-shirt fabrics, and best driving playlists, have made everyone fall in love with you. Some thoughts: try saying “hell no” – strong boundaries are a spectacular muscle that I know you can grow, interdependence is real – strive for that, stop watching commercials that make you cry *whenever* it rains. This week go to the ocean (preferably alone) and write some cancerian love poems while eating dried mango, bake a fancy pastry, post a racy photo on your instagram story, wear patterns. Again, nobody is mad at you, you’re really quite charming.
Beaming, charming and loud Leo — I know I know I know, it is hard to come down from living your best luxurious life in your season. We have allllll already heard your dramatic ass lamenting the start of Virgo season because now you can’t blame your untamed and incessant flirting, impulse shopping fine linens, tap dancing through the grocery store, sexting constantlyyy, and ordering cold-pressed juice every damn day on the season any longer. Hottie mc hotterson, you are the definition of enchanting and alluring and rumours have it that you have not had a bad hair day yet this year, however, buckle in for some eggs of wisdom — Hot tip #1: Your inability to be emotionally vulnerable stopped being excusable in your early twenties – being brave is a farce babe. Hot tip #2: If you keep treating everything like a competition, you’re going to lose eventually and we all know how much you hate that. This week, try spending a whole evening without socializing, call your best friends and tell them how much you adore them, wear something silky to bed.
Exceptional, perfect, and (overly) calculated Virgo, it’s your season! Happy birthday you freaky over-thinking cutie!! Take a deep breath in and inhale all that contagious back-to-school energy that deeply thrills you — lean into the satisfaction of sharpening all of your custom pencils, the reality of sweater season being days away and colour coding your google calendar, LIVE BABY LIVE! You are about to welcome so much sweetness, care, and abundance into your particular and orderly world…don’t be scared, it’s all for you, you deserve it. Bask the aromas of your freshly lauded clothing, revel in sexiness of a perfectly folded fitted sheet. Some advice, ease a bit of control this month and encourage some spontaneity — maybe this is the time you’ll leave dishes in the sink and fuck on the kitchen table before putting the groceries into the fridge (terrifying I know). This week, be a little messy, eat a snack (with crumbs) in the bath, abandon your double americano and try one of those frivolous flavoured lattes, get spanked, attend your Zoom meeting pantless, waste some time watching trashy tv, giggle loudly, happy birthday.
Balanced, venusian, flirty Libra — you are incredibly skilled at the art of holding multiple perspectives, being sexily independent, and not-choosing sides. It’s true, everyone has a crush on you. Instead of being wildly indecisive, act now — send texts outlining all of your delectable and wonderfully perverse desires. While you’re sending those steamy texts, also send a few emails with some strongly worded work boundaries — you can’t say yes to every project even if you do work shockingly well under pressure. My humble opinion? You are everyone’s favourite friend because you agree with everyone, but keeping the peace doesn’t get your needs met, tell us how you really feel baby. This week: spoil yourself with something utterly indulgent, disagree with someone that you like and dig your heels in, take two naps, continue to look perfect in leather, let someone cook for you. You look great when you’re bossy, try on being the Daddy.
Delicious and sexy Scorpio — you’ve spent the summer writing obscure love notes, obsessing about the tattoos that you want to get, perfecting a new skill in your studio/ workshop/ kitchen table, revelling in your unparalleled magnetism, looking intimidatingly hot and mysterious in a black t-shirt and levis, and having sex in public places (you like the lake and picnic areas best). You have continued your summer tradition of making absolutely no new friends, feeding your dates figs with your fingers, and looking edgy/ unimpressed 24/7 — colloquially, I think they call this “resting bitch face”. My unsolicited opinion? Babe, do not let being mysterious and 80% spooky stop you from sharing your feelings, just because you are practicing emotional honesty does not mean that you are being vulnerable. Also, asking for help does not mean that your ~cool guy persona~ is shattered, a lot of people would agree that naming your needs is a hot skill. This week, take nudes in the bath, write three secrets in your journal, plan a grand romantic gesture, gently and carefully eat a pomegranate.
Foxy, curious, adventurous Sagittarius, you are itching for time away from this small town and your patience and resolve is amazing. You have remedied this itch by being extra charming, looking extra delicious in black lace, being extra clever, and always being prepared for a rainstorm/ date/ impromptu bbq. Your heart is full of fire, creative exploration, and deep sweetness, you always give the best gifts, and your memory for detail is bafflingly magnificent. You absolute dreamboat. Some feedback that will annoy you: I know that you hate following rules, so erotisize them (it works well for me), commitment is only scary if it’s with people who expect you to quiet the loud & glorious parts of you, and sometimes the whole truth is not what someone is asking for. This week go deep into the woods and swim naked across a lake, buy yourself an overly large bouquet, write a to-do list and don’t lose it, cook a romantic dinner for a dear friend, return your siblings telephone calls.
Ambitious, determined, always well-dressed Capricorn, how do you look so damn good at 6 am, and how do you pay off your credit card *every* single month? That memory you have of selling bags of chips back to your elementary school classmates at an inflated rate is still perfectly relevant to your life. Your entrepreneurial spirit and organizational skills are admirable and quite honestly, intimidating. I know you love to hear this so…you win you win you win you win! We are all gazing into the sunsets waiting for our Capricorn life-top to scold us into being financially responsible and listening to our voicemails. Now that you’ve won at capitalism, a few thoughts: stop being the boss of goddamn everything — it’s so annoying, nobody wants to hear your feedback that bad. This week: stay out late on a school night and rent one of those silly electric scooters, take an extra long lunch break to sit outside and enjoy something smothered in goat cheese, dance in your apartment to WAP, wear a plunging neckline.
Imaginative and brilliant Aquarius, what a joy and a dream your brain is! You are currently in a pile of cushions on your floor figuring out how to loop the sounds of you pouring cream into your coffee. Naturally, this work is part of your latest sound installation about how capitalist notions of success are false idols. We are all obsessed with your artistic practice and can’t wait for you to open your own gallery, we probably “won’t get” most of it, but we trust that it is genius. Some thoughts: your avoidant attachment style is really getting in the way of your romances — babe, boundaries are important but you won’t lose your identity by letting someone in. You are almost impossible to argue with because you over-intellectualize all of your emotions, save the intellectualization for your grant writing, and share your feelings with people you trust. This week: smoke a clove cigarette at midnight while charging your crystals in the ocean, hold hands in public, show up on time to a meeting, get a new gold gel-pen, discover a new favourite poet.
Dreamy, psychic, astral travelling Pisces, you’ve spent these warm months partaking in everything whimsical, tasty, lovely. You have truly been treating your body and self with devotion, slowness, and praise and for that you score 12/10. Please continue being a soft sweetie who is full of creativity, imagination, and dreams for the futures that we all deserve — you are a deep & important magic. Now I will ask politely (so you don’t cry about it) — would it kill you to write a list, be on time, and do your own emotional labour for once? You have cultivated wonderful wonder for your world, now please try on some of that Virgo season organization and stop losing important paperwork. This week try pressing “send” on your work emails – we see your drafts folder, read your tarot, wear a watch, sing to the sunrise while only clothed in a turquoise robe, dab bergamot essential oil on your neck.